Saw the Cubs win their first world series in 108 years on Thursday morning. It was so lovely to see people so happy. That kind of fervent sports support, contingent on the place of your birth, is so foreign to me. Just the idea of growing up with the assumption of support, and having that later transform into real happiness — that’s just wild. I was just thinking how nice it must be to let yourself be so happy for a moment; to be subsumed into a space of just bliss for the sake of a greater-than-you cause. Also, Bill Murray cries when you win.
Other news: I’m not doing amazingly at school. I’m not horrible, but I could be doing so much better. My head is in it, but not in it. I’m midway between myself and the future self I’m dying to be. I’d really done well the past two years, and now I’m just sort of fizzling out. I keep telling myself that if anyone can do it, I can. If anyone can get to read philosophy at the bay, I can. But I don’t know anymore. Deep down, I know that it’s possible, just like it’s possible for most anyone else. The feeling of needing to hustle is coming in, I’d like to think in waves, but it really is just in trickles. I need to remind myself how important this is, that I’m not above any task, and that just because I’ve done a few cool school things, that I’m still far behind everyone else. It takes time for me to understand, so I should give myself that time. Making it will last for ever, but so will regret.